And then this happened…
- Guy #1: I don’t get what that Flake bitch was all pissed about.
- Guy #2: Why?
- Guy #1: Her lesbian friend supposedly lost an ovary. So? She’s got two, and it’s not like a lesbo is using them anyhow. Like I want to pay for girls to be sluts if it’s not with me, dude.
- Me: Fucking really?
- Guy #2: Uh, yeah. Why?
- Me: Would you give up your left nut? I assume you have two and it’s not like an asshole like yourself is using them anyhow. [His buddies laugh]
- Guy #1: Chill, bitch, I’m joking.
- Guy #2: You went to the Rush Limbaugh school of funny, didn’t you? Because you’re not funny, dude. Say you’re sorry to the girls around us.
- Guy #1: [Laughs] Real men don’t apologize.
- Guy #2: Watch. [Turns to face several women, including me] “I’m sorry I’m a socially awkward prick who can’t find my dick with both hands. You are completely right. I’m not using my balls because I don’t have any.” See? That’s how you do it. Now do it or shut your fucking mouth. Shit, dude, you’re the reason none of us get laid.
- Guy #1: …
- Me: [Laughing so hard I’m almost crying]
(H/t to Amanda for letting me listen to her tape recorder so I could get this fuckery right.)
That guy is doing it right. Not every day do people stand up for what’s right when it seems socially awkward to do so.